I don't mean to write about parenting issues, but all of the sudden, LP has taken over all my mental energy. And there's only so much listening Nate can do before he goes a bit bonkers.
Poor thing, I'm piling a lot of things on her at the same time: she started part-time daycare, and I'm actively weaning her off the boob. Daycare will be it's own entry, once I have a more concrete idea of what I'm feeling. Because right now I just know that the transition is hard, I'm doing it wrong, and I'm not sure yet why.
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| Our stoop in Brooklyn - proud to nurse in public. |
Here I am. Nursing a toddler, and ready for it to end. I've loved the entire nursing process, and I'm so grateful that we've made it past a year. Really, I am. I just kinda want my boobs back for a bit, ya know? Also, I always thought extended nursing was about one session in the evening and one in the morning. I'm having my child pulling on my shirt throughout the day. It's getting out of hand.
For the last few weeks, since getting back from Peru, I've been trying to eliminate a session here and there. I stopped being there for the nighttime routine at all (Nate, you rock!), I would give her a bottle in the morning. Sometimes I would go ahead and nurse her in the morning out of sheer tiredness. During the day I tried the "don't offer don't refuse approach." It's like it sounds. And in my opinions, it basically junk. Nope. Did not work.
Our pediatrician told that at some point around 12 months, kids naturally lose interest in breastfeeding, and to just take a baby-led approach. Which sounds lovely, but is not our experience. Au contraire. If life were up to her, she'd be snacking on the boob all day long as a source of comfort. I'm a big softie, and I've indulged her when in stressful situation, which is why we kept nursing through the whole move, travels to Peru, settling in Austin, making new baby friends, etc. It's been an easy way to comfort her through all these changes. Occasionally, I'd try to distract her with a tortilla, or water, but if that didn't work I would go ahead and nurse, and I as of three days ago I was down to only 2 sessions per day - morning and late afternoon.
Yesterday was my final straw. I realize how unfair this sounds, but after spending the morning in daycare (only her 3rd day), LP was super clingy all afternoon and had two very long nursing sessions, and then I was just.... done. I can't do it. There has to be a better way to comfort her.
Friday at 4:45 pm - the last boob so far. I'm aware that we might have some setbacks along the way, but so far it's been about 36 hours, and my supply should be running out. Hopefully.
Today, Saturday, I've been able to distract her because Nate is home. This morning she did the sign form milk while saying "leche", and I tried to distract her with toys, and she just looked at me with those angry toddler eyes. We had a lovely conversation where I told her that breastfeeding is for babies, and she's a big girl now, and big girls don't drink from mommy anymore. Big girls use their cup, and their bottle. She was looking at me like her heart might just shatter into a million pieces. So I told her that big girls also eat cookies. This perked her right up, and she giddily got off my lap running towards the pantry, pointed at the shelf and did the sign for "more". Sigh.... Kids can be so simple sometimes.
It hasn't been an easy day. She's pulled on my shirt several times, and I've had to tell her that she's a big girl several times, and distract her with other snacks/drinks. But she seems strangely satisfied with the explanation. No big meltdowns or tears, which is a vast improvement. Let's see how long it lasts. I fear that come Monday afternoon, after she goes to daycare again, we might have another clingy afternoon where she needs to nurse. I wonder if I will have any milk left.
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